Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
