I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
