Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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