Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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