Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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