he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
