I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
