are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
