Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
