No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
