it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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