My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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