I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
