Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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