dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
