I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
