u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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