did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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