Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I deserve this hangover.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
