im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
