No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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