wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
