Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
