You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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