Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
