For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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