At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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