my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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