drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
