after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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