She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
