I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
