all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
