if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
this is an emotional support booty call
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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