we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
