don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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