I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
