can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
