So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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