I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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