I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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