dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
