can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
