I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
