Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
