My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
