i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
