There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
