I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
