At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
