Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
