we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
