i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
