Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
