I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
