I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
