I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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