we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
