So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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