pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
