So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
