So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
