I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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