i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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