Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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