I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
