So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
